13 ways to get a Scandinavian to eye roll you
It’s the little things that make us sigh and eye roll you (although we might do it behind your back). It’s just the way we’re built, you know; can’t help it.
1. Be late
It’s not a greatness, your lateness. It’s rude and boring. If we say 12.45, we mean 12.45. Not 12.35 and not 12.55. Only 5 minutes either way is acceptable; that is the Scandi way. Not that we’re clock watching.
2. Speak in tongues
We are pretty straightforward people. If we say “we don’t like your presentation” it means just that. If you say “Oh, that presentation was interesting” we will probably think this is what you actually mean.
3. How are you?
When you don’t wait for our long answer to the question “How are you?” (because we really want to tell you, in great detail, and we will wonder why you bothered asking in the first place – see point 2).
4. If you get all weird about nudity.
Skin of actual people! It’s skin, for god’s sake. Yes, we know! Real skin. Sorry, it just doesn’t really do it for us. It’s skin. Naked is just… natural. Doesn’t weird us out. We sit naked next to each other in saunas, remember? It’s just not a big deal.
5. Presume our countries are one – and that we’re teeny.
We’re 3 different countries (many more if we include the Nordics). Our landmass is 3 ½ times the size of the UK. Only Denmark is teeny (but won’t admit to it, so don’t mention that).
6. Presume the Danes are Dutch and the Swedes are Swiss
Why do the Norwegians get to be Norwegians if the rest of us have to be lumped in with Toblerone and clogs?
7. Ask for chips with your meatballs in IKEA.
Why? Why would you DO that? Why is it even an option? What next, gravy on the chips? Say what?!
8. Question our obsession with sweets.
Why would you not spend every Saturday eating a big bowl of sweets (500g is acceptable) – and why would you ever eat sweets on a Tuesday? Saturdays only; then spend time telling everyone how healthy we are (Sunday to Friday, mainly).
9. We can help you with your cheese issues
Just ask us. We don’t mind. We know we are superior when it comes to cheese slicing. Do it wrong and we will eye-roll you. Use that slicer properly or we will have to correct you using Scandi direct-ness. Use a knife to hack away at the cheese and you’ll see us go to another room to calm down.
10. Talk to us in a queue
This applies to any queue. Queues are not places for talking, they are places for not standing next to other people. Places to pretend people do not exist. A good approximate distance of 1 ½ metres minimum either side will do.
11. Pronounce Hygge wrong
If you’re going to use our word and try to explain back to us what it means, at least say it properly. It’s who-guh, by the way. It NEVER rhymes with jiggy. Eye roll.
12. Wear shoes indoors in our houses
Our floors, our rules. Do it = eye-roll (after we apply point 2 again).
13. Tell us you don’t like coffee
We believe that people who don’t drink coffee are just people who have not quite arrived yet. No, we probably don’t have any tea. (we drink more coffee than anyone in the entire world. We are on a constant caffeine high and we don’t understand why people won’t join us… tea is not necessary). Would you like some coffee, by the way? ‘Erbal tea? No.
What other things do Scandinavian take a bit too serious? Comments below.
(And before you say it, yes, this was written by Scandinavians. And yes, we know we’re entirely stereo typing).