We know: Londoners “just don’t know how to deal with snow because it never snows here”. You do say this, every single year*
Yes, before you check, there are delays on all lines and buses and it’s going to be a tough one. You can do this: You’re tough and you’ve got this. It’s just snow.
Here are a few pointers to deal with the Beast From the East today:
Walk like a penguin
This is sound advice in icy conditions as well as snow: Keep your body slightly leaned forward with the arms out to the side and shuffle along to minimise the risk of falling.
Layer your clothes
Ever been skiing? Same principle. Yes, we know it doesn’t look as fancy as normal, but it will keep you warm. Base layer, second layer an then another one. With air in between, not tight clothing. Two pairs of long johns are not always good – rather one pair of Long Johns and some loose pants then your top layer.
Also, every Norwegian knows that anyone who wears jeans in the snow is a tourist. Going outside? Chance of you getting even slightly wet? Don’t wear jeans; they take too long to dry.
For the love of Ullr, be practical today: wear a proper coat. And a hat. And gloves. And a scarf.
Again, Norwegians always have a Kvikklunsj Chocolate bar and an orange in their back pack. Did we mention to use backpacks today? Don’t bring a heavy handbag, you need your arms free to walk like a penguin.
Why learn from the Norwegians? Who won all the gold these past few weeks?!
Be The One Who Made it
Remember: Those who make it to work are probably tougher people than those who don’t. With Arctic ancestry and everything.
Once you have braved bus 18 and standing like herring in a barrel for 45 minutes, you will be The One Who Made it. You will be the saviour, the hero.
Don’t eat yellow snow
Don’t wear heels of any sort.
Do you need to ask? Also, no roller blading. Bicycles are a bad today unless the roads have been cleared.
How to fix your car from snow and ice 101: Use a flat tool, like a credit card, CD cover (does anyone have these still, really?) – whatever you do, do not use boiling water to clear the ice. Oh yes, we’ve seen it being done and we were not impressed.
UK cars don’t have winter tyres.
So don’t presume they do. Drive as if you’re balancing an egg on a spoon at all times. Because, well, you are.
Salting your drive way.
By 9 am, all Scandinavian drive ways will have been shovelled. We are efficient that way and we like order. Please note it is not enough just to empty a packet of Maldon Sea Salt Flakes onto the snow – it does not a clear drive way make.
Yep, we’ve seen this happen. It was in West London. A full packet of Maldon, onto the snow.
The schools are closed
Yes, we know you have your darlings for a full 10 hours now, no let up – but remember this may be one of the best days of their lives so man up and be the coolest Memory Maker that you can be. Go make a sledge out of a bin bag or a plastic lid and get down that hill.
The best thing about snow is… Hygge
When you get back inside, rosy cheeks and cold armpits, pop the hot chocolate on, turn up the heating and copy up in front of something warm. If you don’t have a fire place, your portable heather works, too. It’s time for hygge.
And don’t worry, it will be gone by Friday. Enjoy it.
Most importantly, avoid people like us. Because we’re likely to reply like this:
*Please note we say Londoners. Because to be fair, Northerners can probably deal with it. we’re playing it safe.
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