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Monthly Archives: February 2019

Little Scandinavian Lessons: How to slice cheese

February 15, 2019 | Leave a comment

Little Scandinavian Lessons: How to slice cheese.

Yeah, we hear your hollow laughter: Why on earth do you need to know how to slice cheese? It’s just CHEESE, isn’t it?

To you, maybe. But to us Nordics, and Swedes especially, this is key behaviour territory. We will judge you. Oh, yes we will.

Cheese is of the upmost importance to all Scandinavians. Even if you do not eat cheese, you will be around people who consume a lot of it, so it is important to understand our love affair with what is, essentially, a bacterial process.

From the time of the Vikings, Scandinavians have been making cheese and consuming it on a grand scale. We eat 19–24 kg (42–53 lb) of cheese per person per year – in contrast to the UK, where people eat around 11.8 kg (26 lb). We are nations of tyrophiles.

In Norway, the most favoured cheese is called brunost, which means ‘brown cheese’, and it is indeed brown. It looks a bit like plasticine and feels like it, too. Made from goats’ milk that has been boiled, caramelising the milk sugars and thus turning it brown, it has a delicious, almost sweet, taste of caramel and goats: caramel goats’ cheese. It’s a particular taste that you either love or hate. Once you are stuck on it, you won’t be able to stop eating it and you’ll add it to your waffles, bread and snack on it at night straight from the fridge when nobody is looking.

The Danes favour more pungent cows’ milk cheeses, of slightly softer texture. Some of them smell like things that have gone off and have names such as Gamle Ole (‘Old Ole’), which is a fair description of the smell (the taste is far milder, as with most Danish cheeses). This particular cheese smells like something that has been left unwashed in the corner of a squat for a week or so.

Only the Norwegians have a stronger cheese – an old Viking-style cheese called Gamalost (‘really old cheese’), known to be so smelly it makes grown men cry.

Swedes like to think of themselves as the kings of cheese in Scandinavia, as they consume the most. Their cheeses range from the undisputed Västerbotten gourmet cheese to the more elaborately named Hushållsost (‘household cheese’). Only the Swedes would have a favourite cheese called ‘household cheese’: It’s very lagom.

Cheese in Scandinavia is often eaten with jam or. This is a perfectly reasonable accompaniment to all kinds of cheese. Simply add butter to bread or crispbread, a thick slice of your favourite cheese and a good dollop of jam on top and you have a great ‘mellanmål’ (afternoon snack).

In Scandinavia cheese is sold in very large packs, usually over 500 g–1 kg (1–2 lb) in size. This is because all cheese lives on a plate in the fridge once opened, covered with a plastic shower cap (it does the job in a very practical way, don’t knock it) and is taken out at most morning and midday meals plus at snack times. Most households only have one (max two) cheeses on the go at any one time, which can make a Scandi cheeseboard a bit boring at times.

Next to the cheese is a slicer. There are four kinds of slicers available, broadly speaking:

The gold standard

This is a metal cheese planer, as invented by a Norwegian many years ago. A metal planer works well on harder cheeses – from Västerbotten to your cheddars. No, Cheddar is not supposed to be hacked at with a knife, it’s supposed to be sliced. SLICED. Yes!

Plastic planer

Use this for softer – but still hard – cheeses – such as Greve, Hushalssost, Havarti. Perfect slices every time. But use your plastic planer on a hard cheese and it will be thick, horrid slices. Know your cheeses. If we see this at your house: We know you’re one of us.

String slicer

The Danish choice. Seeing as the Danish cheeses tend to be too soft for both a metal planer and the plastic one, cheeses such as Gamle Ole, Riberhus, Danbo etc favour a string slicer. Also, it looks cool on the table, as if you’re some kind of cheese god.

Metal planer – with ridges

This is for the plastacine cheese; only serious cheese slicer people will have this. Perfect for slicing brown cheese. Not as common as the other kinds, but this is the one to aim for if you need perfect brown cheese slices.

Ultra-slicer

This is invented by the Dutch, but could have been invented by the Swedes: How only to grate enough for your sandwich and avoid ANY waste and you can STILL keep your cheese level. A cheese-grater-planer. Smart.

How to slice it

There are rules one must follow when slicing cheese in Scandinavia. Once you have chosen your appropriate equipment, make sure you slice from the correct side. The aim is not to create any sort of slope whatsoever on the cheese. These slopes, created by careless, non-trained, usually non-Scandinavian people are referred to as skidbacke (‘ski slopes’) and are considered a waste of cheese. The ultimate sin.

If you cut the cheese wrong at someone’s house, do not expect to be spared a snide comment even if you were introduced to your Swedish girlfriend’s Dad only fifteen minutes earlier. There will be no going back if you fail at this and you will forever be known as a sloper.

So, instead, look at the cheese and slice from the side that is currently tallest, ensuring you help to even out the cheese to perfection. Get yourself a large block of cheese and some slicers – and practice at home.

Ski-slope fixing is a national sport in Sweden and some people pride themselves on being the silent fixers. These people go through life, with slight OCD, quietly fixing other people’s mistakes, never being able to enjoy a decently sliced piece of cheese themselves. Ever. These poor people are forever eating the crappy, bitty correction sliced because you simply could not be bothered to learn the rules. Suffering for your sins. You don’t want that on your conscience, now do you?

You’ve been warned.

We’ve written a book about how to live like a Scandinavian. Read it and be enlightened. It’s called North. You can get it on Amazon (also available on Amazon US and Canada).

This article is based a little bit on one in that book.

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    Osti Danish Cheese Slicer RED
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    Tine Gudbrandsdalen Brunost – Brown Cheese 250g
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Our favourite Nordic idioms

February 7, 2019 | Leave a comment

Quite a few years ago we wrote a list of our favourite sayings and idioms. It was very popular and since then, we have added a lot to the list, so we thought we’d share it.

If you’re here because you miss your Nordic roots (or know someone who does)? Check out our big selection of Cure for Homesickness hampers or browse our best selling sweets for your next fix of Fazer liquorice, Freia chocolate or Marabou munchies?

Do you read our daily facts on Facebook? Maybe you should. It’s your daily dose of nonsense Nordic Knowledge #BeNordic. Follow it here.

Enjoy!

Feel free to comment below of any extras we have forgotten….


  • That’s life when the skirt is striped (Sånt är livet när kjolen är randig). (Swedish) Meaning: Such is life.
  • If a Swede says “something landed between two chairs” he means that something has been forgotten and nobody is taking responsibility for it.
  • The Finns don’t “get diarrhoea”… they “have poop flying out of their bums like flocks of sparrows” (paska lentää kuin varpusparvi).
  • If a Dane says “Taking the bus is the sausage of dearth” (“Det er dødens pølse at tage bussen”) he simply means it’s boring or annoying. “Sausage of death” is everything trivial.
  • If there’s room in heart there’s room for the arse (Finns det hjärterum så finns det stjärterum) (Swedish saying) Meaning: Everybody can fit in here).
  • If someone is caught with your beard in the mailbox (Skägget i brevlådan) (Danish, Norwegian, Swedish) Meaning: “To be caught with your pants down.”

  • If someone ‘slides in on a prawn sandwich’ in Sweden (“Glida in på en räkmacka”) it means someone who didn’t have to work to get where they are in life.
  • In Finland, if someone is “like a bear shot in the ass” (kuin perseeseen ammuttu karhu), it means they are cranky.
  • In Iceland, they don’t say “I’ll get my revenge”, instead they’ll say ‘I’ll find you at the beach’ (Ég mun finna þig í fjöru).
  • Made a fool of yourself? In Norway, you say that you “shat on your leg” (Nå har du bæsjet på leggen).

  • I suspect there are owls in the bog (Jeg aner ugler I mosen) (a versatile saying used in Danish, Swedish and Norwegian). Meaning: Something fishy is going on.
  • In Denmark, if something is really expensive, you can say ‘it costs the white bits out of the eyes’ (det koster det hvide ud af øjnene).
  • If a Dane tells you he is ‘angry in the garbage’ (gal i skralden) he means to tell you he is furious.
  • If a Swede tells you to go to the forest, he is telling you to get lost (Dra åt skogen).
  • If a Dane makes a mental note of something, he ‘writes it behind the ear’ (at skrive noget bag øret).
  • If you’re sitting in meeting with some Danes and one of them says that everything has gone to goat (gå I ged), they are merely trying to explain that it fell through (or failed), as in “that project went to goat”.

  • If a Swede says he is going to ‘throw a goat’s eye at it’, it means he’ll have a quick glance at something (att kasta ett getöga).
  • Some people in Norway mighty say you have ‘pooped in the drawer’ if you have been caught out in a difficult situation (Å bæsje i skuffen).
  • In Sweden, if a person looks like he’s sold all the butter and lost all the money (Ha sålt smöret och tappat pengarna), it means he looks both sad and guilty at the same time.
  • If a Finn tells you that you are “shooting flies with a cannon” he simply means to tell you that you are overcomplicating things, putting a lot of effort into achieving something impossible (ampua tykillä kärpäsiä).
  • If an Icelandic accuses you of Jumping onto your own nose (Að stökkva upp á nef sér), they mean to tell you that you get angry and worked up too quickly.
  • If a Finn tells you ‘Let me show you where the chicken pees from’ (Näytän sulle, mistä kana pissii) he simply means “Let me show you how it’s done”.

  • A Danes might say he feels like an egg yolk (‘Jeg har det som blommen i et æg‘) which and he means that he feels comfort and fulfilment.
  • In Finland, instead of saying “And that’s that”, you say “And because… onion” (Ja sillä sipuli).
  • Swedish saying: “What is hidden in snow, is revealed at thaw” (Det som göms i snö, kommer fram vid tö). Meaning, things will be revealed, secrets will out.
  • A Dane might say “one more time for prince Knud” (en gang til for prins Knud) – this refers to the former king’s (Frederik IX) brother, who was known to need an explanation more than once.
  • If a Dane says he has his ass in the surface of the water (Røven i vandskorpen), it means things are not going that well.
  • The Finns don’t say something “fits well”… they say it “fits like a fist in the eye” (sopii kuin nyrkki silmään).
  • If a Dane tells you that you are ‘pouring water out of your ears’ (at hælde vand ud af ørerne), he means to tell you that you’re talking rubbish, of stuff of no importance, or just moaning a lot.
  • In Iceland, if someone tells you they are off to play chess with the pope (Að tefla við páfann) they are telling your they need to go for a number 2.

  • The Finns don’t say something “disappeared without trace”… they say it “vanished like a fart in Sahara” (kadota kuin pieru Saharaan).
  • If you see an Icelandic baby that is super cute and adorable, you can try telling the mother that you think her off spring is “just such a butthole” (rassgat). In Icelandic, this means you are praising the baby’s adorableness.
  • If a Dane tells you that you’re laughing like a torn pair of clogs, he means you are laughing out loud (grine som en flækket træsko).
  • In Finland if someone says: “The forest answers in the same way one shouts at it” (Niin metsä vastaa kuin sinne huudetaan), he means ‘what goes around, comes around’. The proverb refers to the echo from the treeline.
  • A Swede is not “dressed to the nines”… he is “dressed up to his teeth.” (Klädd up till tänderna).

  • In Finland, if someone isn’t quite that clever, a Finn might say “He doesn’t have all Moomin trolls in the valley” (Hänellä ei ole kaikki muumit laaksossa). Okay, its trolls, but Moomins sounds better.
  • If a Dane tells you he doesn’t have a red prawn (ikke en rød reje) it means he is skint.
  • “To step in the spinach” (At træde i spinaten) (Danish, Norwegian (although in Norway it’s salad instead of spinach!) Meaning: To make a mistake.
  • If a Swede thinks you are stupid he might say you “don’t have all the hens at home.” (Att ha alla hönsen hemma).
  • It’s blowing half a pelican (Det blæser en halv pelican) (Danish) Meaning: It’s really windy.
  • To be born behind a brown cheese (Født bak en brunost) (Norwegian) – Meaning: the person is a bit slow.
  • In Denmark, when someone hurries up, he ‘takes his legs on the back of his neck’ (Han tager benene på nakken’.

  • If a Dane is ‘pulling cod fish to the shore’ (at trække torsk I land) it means he is snoring VERY loudly.
  • In Swedish, you don’t say ‘Speak of the devil’, instead you say “Speak of the troll and he appears on the porch” (När man talar om trollen så står de i farstun).
  • If a Swede says “Now shame walks on dry land” (Nu går skam på torra land’ ) it means immorality has taken over and you cant do anything to stop it.
  • If a Dane tells you that you are earthing-up potatoes (hyppe kartofter), it means you are pushing your own agenda too much.
  • In Iceland, they don’t say “I’ll get my revenge”, instead they’ll say ‘I’ll find you at the beach’ (Ég mun finna þig í fjöru)
  • Pretend that it’s raining (‘Låtsas som att det regnar’) (Swedish) – Meaning: To act normally, so as not to attract any attention.
  • Let me show you where a chicken pees from (Näytän sulle, mistä kana pissii) (Finnish) Meaning: ‘Let me show you how it’s done’.
  • In Scandinavia, we don’t have a bone to pick with people – instead, we have a hen to pluck with you (Jeg har en høne å plukke med deg / I have a hen to pluck with you).

  • If a Dane is ‘standing like herring in a barrel’, it means he’s feeling a bit squashed (Stå som sild i en tønde).
  • In Norway and Denmark, if you make cabbage of something (å gjøre kål på), it means you are ending something, even maybe destroying it. For example: “We made cabbage of all those leftovers in the fridge” or even “She made cabbage out of him.
  • I’m cold in the ass (Jeg er kold i røven) (Danish) – Meaning: I don’t care.
  • Go where the pepper grows (Dra dit pepparn gror) (Swedish) Meaning: Go to hell.
  • In Finland, you don’t dip your toe to test the water. Instead, you test the ice with a stick (kokeilla kepillä jäätä).
  • If a Norwegian ‘has blood on his teeth’ (Å få blod på tannen) it means he’s inspired to do something.
  • Even small saucepans have ears (Även små grytor har öron) (Swedish, Danish) Meaning: the kids might hear.
  • There is a dog buried here (Det ligger en hund begraven här)(Swedish, Danish, Norwegian) Meaning: there’s something fishy going on.
  • If a Finnish person tell you it’s “like the snow of last winter”, he means it’s “like water under the bridge” (Menneen talven lumia).
  • A Swede doesn’t “beat around the bush”… he “walks like the cat around hot porridge.” (Gå som katten kring het gröt).
  • Hello jump in the blueberry forest! (Hej hopp i blåbärsskogen!) (Swedish) Meaning: A cheerful expression to be used when you are a bit surprised.
  • In Norway, if you float using your own body fat (flyte på flesket), it means you rely on own experience or resources. As in “You can float on your own body fat now, you really know this project”.
  • If a Dane is laying his head in water (at lægge hovedet i blød) it means he’ll think something over really hard.
  • If someone is arrogant and full of oneself, in Norwegian you can say “he’s high on the pear” (‘Høy på pæren’) – as in ‘Stop being so high on the pear, now..’
  • Your own cow is in the ditch ( Oma lehmä ojassa) (Finnish). – Meaning: Someone has an ulterior selfish motive behind an action.
  • A Danes doesn’t kill two birds with one stone; instead he ‘kills two flies with one swat’.

  • In Sweden, there is a classic idiom: “Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no-one.” (alla känner apan, apan känner ingen). It sort of means don’t think you’re popular just because you’re known to others. That everybody notices the one who sticks out, but he knows nobody.
  • To put onion on the salmon (Att lägga lök på laxen) (Swedish)- Meaning: To make things even worse…
  • To poop on your calf (Bæsje på leggen) (Norwegian) – Meaning: Make a mistake.
  • In Iceland, instead of saying ‘Let’s go’ or ‘Carry on’, people will say “On with the butter!” (Áfram með smjörið).
  • If something in Danish goes completely wrong, Danes will say ‘it has gone completely to fish” (gå helt i fisk).

  • Now you have shat in the blue cupboard! (Nu har du skitit i det blå skåpet) (Swedish) – Meaning: When you really have made a fool out of yourself.
  • Not for all the butter in Småland (Inte för allt smör i hela Småland) (Sweden) -Meaning: Equivalent to the English expression: “Not for all the tea in China”.
  • To swallow some camels (Å svelge noen kameler) (Norwegian) – Meaning: to give in.
  • Almost and close to doesn’t knock a man off his horse (Ligeved og næsten slår ingen mand af hæsten)(Danish) – Equivalent to the English saying: “Close, but no cigar”.
  • To be in the middle of the butter eye [melting in the porridge] (Å være midt i smørøyet) (Norwegian, Danish) Meaning: to be in a very favourable place or situation.
  • To pace around hot porridge like a cat (kiertää kuin kissa kuumaa puuroa) (Finnish) – Meaning: To beat about the bush.
  • To be under the ice (Under isen) (Swedish) – Meaning: feeling a bit depressed.
  • To jump on the gluestick (at hoppe på limpinden (Danish) – Meaning: To take the bait.
  • No danger on the roof (Ingen fara på taket) (Swedish) Meaning: No worries.
  • He took his legs on the back of his neck (Han tog benene på nakken) (Danish) – Meaning: He hurried up.

  • There are no cows on the ice (Der er ingen ko på isen) (Swedish, Danish, Norwegian) – Meaning: Nothing to worry about. The full saying is “No cow on the ice when the back half is on the ground”.
  • In Norway, if someone ‘smiles in the beard’ it means they are chuckling quietly about past events (Å smile i skjegget).
  • If a Scandinavian tells you that someone has ‘a good nasal bone’, they are merely trying to say that the person is strong and determined (at have ben i næsen).
  • If an Icelandic tells you that it “isn’t enough to fill a Cat’s nostril”, it means it is very small. (Ekki upp í nös á ketti).
  • If a Norwegian tells you that he is speaking directly from the liver, he simply means to tell you he’s telling the truth. As in “I’m telling you, straight from the liver, I love you!” (Å snake rett fra leveren).
  • In Danish, if you ‘pass the monkey on’ (at sende aben videre) it means you’re passing on a problem to someone else.
  • If an Icelandic or Danish person tells you ‘that something is the raisin at the end of the sausage (Það er rúsínan í pylsuendanum/rosinen i pølsenden), it means there is an unexpected good surprise at the end of something.
  • If a Swede says ‘Pretend it’s raining’ he simply means act normally, so as not to attract any attention (Låtsas som att det regnar).
  • In Sweden, if someone tells you that “Now the boiled pork is fried” (Nu är det kokta fläsket stekt), what they are really saying is ‘now things are really, really bad’.
  • If an Icelandic person tells you that peeing in your shoes will only keep you warm for a short while, he simply means to tell you short term solutions don’t often work (Það er skammgóður vermir að pissa í skó sinn). Idioms rock, don’t you think?

  • A Swede doesn’t seek revenge – instead, he “gives back for old cheese.” (Ge tillbaka för gammal ost).
  • A Norwegian won’t say ‘upping the game’ instead he’ll say ‘the buns have changed’ (Nå blir det andre boller).
  • In Iceland, they don’t say they will sleep on it or think it over, instead they say they’ll put their head to soak in water (Að leggja höfuðið í bleyti).
  • In Finland, you don’t have a finger in every pie – instead, you have a ‘spoon in every bowl of soup’ (Lusikka joka sopassa).
  • You’re completely out cycling (Du er helt ude og cycle) (Danish) – Meaning: You’re completely wrong.
  • Go where the pepper grows (Dra dit pepparn gror) (Swedish) – Meaning: Go to hell!
  • If a Scandinavian says you need to “have ice in your stomach” (is i magen), it simply means you need to play it cool, be in control.

  • If a Dane or Norwegian tells you that ‘the toilet’s on fire’ it means the shits about to hit the fan big time (Lokummet brænder).
  • You’ve really shot the parrot (Du har virkeligt skudt papegøjen) (Danish) – Meaning: You’ve been lucky.
  • He’s got rotating farts in his cap (Han har roterende fis i kasketten) (Danish) – Meaning: He’s not quite all there.
  • A Swede doesn’t tell someone to “take a hike”… he tells someone to “throw themselves in the wall.” (Släng dig i väggen).
  • If a Dane says he isn’t quite orange free (Ikke helt appelsinfri), he means to tell you that he is not completely sober.

  • Is it the horse’s birthday? Er det hestens fødselsdag? (Danish) Meaning: the rye bread is too thick for my open sandwich.
  • To be up on the liquorices (at være oppe på lakridserne) (Danish) – Meaning: to be very attentive or busy.
  • If a Dane says you can both ‘blow and have flour in your mouth’, he means to say you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. (Man kan ikke både blæse og have mel i munden).
  • Nothing to hang on the Christmas tree (Ingenting att hänga i julgranen) (Swedish) Meaning: not special enough.

Phew! Did we forget any? Comments below, please.

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False friends

February 5, 2019 | Leave a comment

English words that mean something else in Scandinavian languages

These words are often called ‘false friends’ – words that are the same but mean something else in another language. It can be confusing, for sure. These often happen when two words look or sound similar in different dialects or languages. For example, we once had someone apply for a Barista job here who listed their previous job as ‘Vicar’. Now, we know that a Vikar in Scandinavia means a substitute worker – there are many Vikar Teachers at schools, for example.

We’ve got some great sounding foods too: what about a selection of Plopp chocolate bars? A Skum Banana or a bar of Firklover chocolate (say it out load with a bit of tempo…), and of course everyone’s favourite Salty Spunk and Fruity Spunk.

Do you have any more words to add to the list? Comment below, please.

Fart

The most famous farts of them all. We have fartbump, fartshump, and fart-hinders. We also have fart-plans (time tables) and we have “I FART” in the lifts in Denmark (this simply means ‘in motion’).

Slags

It means ‘kinds’. We have many slags of salty liquorice in our shop. It can also mean a ‘hit’ of something – you can have a slag at something in Danish.

Slut

This means The End. As in, “They lived happily ever after. Slut”. If you set your iPhone to a Scandinavian language, it will call you a slut every time you end a phone call.

In Swedish, the end of the Sales in the shops is called SLUT REA – and the same thing in Danish is SLUT SPURT. Here is a link to our big range of Scandi goodies on sale .

The end of the bus route is the SLUT STATION.

Smoking

Invited to a fancy ball? Scandinavians will be wearing “a smoking”. Which means dinner jacket.

Mall

To Swedes, a template. To you, a place to go shopping.

Gift

In Scandinavia, gift means poison. It also means ‘to be married’. Yup, same spelling and pronunciation and everything.

Skid

In Swedish, Skid means ski. The same word in Danish can mean shit, so Danes often fnigger when they see signs in Sweden for the Skidskola – the Shit-School.

Glass

In Swedish, glass is ice cream.

Gem

Not a shining diamond, but a paperclip!

Chef

A chef is a boss. Whereas a chef in the kitchen is a Kock. So, Kock in the kitchen, chef in the office.

Tvätt

In Swedish, Tvätt means washing. So, you can many slags of tvätt in Sweden.

Kiss

In Sweden, when you go for a pee, you kiss. Actually, it’s kissa, to be entirely accurate. Kiss is pee.

Bra

Bra is good, in Swedish. It has nothing to do with a bra for the boobs.

Bae

In Danish, Bae (bæ) is a kiddie word for poop. So, when you put a picture on instagram of your new boyfriend and you write ‘my bae’ underneath, we find it quite amusing.

Barn

A child. Yes, a child, not a barn full of hay.

Prick

A prick/prik is a dot. Simply, just a dot. As in “The curtains has many pricks on it”

Fag

This means ‘subject’ or even trade. In Danish, its Fag, in Swedish often fack, which in itself is funny, too. A directory for tradespeople is called a book of fagfolk.

A worker’s union in Denmark is a Fagunion or Fagforening.

Grind

I English, this is to grind things – coffee beans, for example. In Swedish, grind is a gate.

Gymnasium

You may often hear Scandinavians say they went to the Gymnasium for 3 years. Well, this simply means high school.

Hug

Oddly, this has no roots with hygge, but merely means To Chop. As in chopping wood (hugge brænde)

Island

To us, Island means Iceland. An island to us in an Ø (or Ö).

Offer

In English, you offer something to someone. In Scandinavia, it means ‘victim’.

Puss

Ah, yes, puss means kiss. But remember, kiss means pee. Best get these right, eh?

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    Spunk Saltlakrids – Salty Liquorice Pastilles 23g
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