November 6, 2015 |
A lot of ways to say ‘crazy’ in Norwegian
Hello. So, our Martina is from Norway and she was reading this article the other day (click here) about how the word ‘Texas’ means crazy in Norway.
She has put together a handy list of other ways you can convey the crazy/stupid meaning in Norwegian…
Norwegian expressions that all mean crazy/backwards in some form or other;
Sprø – as in Crisp – ‘Er du helt sprø?’ Meaning: Are you totally nuts?
Pling i bollen – Ding in the bowl, i.e. the sound that comes when an item is dropped into an empty bowl. Meaning your head is empty. ‘Er du helt pling i bollen?’ Meaning: Airhead.
‘Tett i pappen’ – Thick in the cardboard, ie. Thick in your brain.
‘Dum som et brød’ – dumb as a bread. Well, bread is dumb.
‘Å være på jordet’ – Be on the meadow – meaning: You’re so far off
‘Være på bærtur’ – To be foraging for berries – You’re way off
‘Født bak en brunost’ – born behind a brown cheese – an idiom for being a bit slow.
‘Helt Texas!’ Meaning: About a situation being totally crazy, e.g.: The traffic was totally Texas!
Any more to add to the list? Pop them in the comments.
November 14, 2014 |
We have snow. Real snow. Lots of real delicious fluffy picture postcard snow.
Our countryside looks like this
Santa is from up here.
Okay, so we can’t quite agree where he actually lives. The Danes believe he lives on Greenland. The rest think he lives in Lapland. Or in Finland. Or both. We do know, however, that he lives up here somewhere. He’s one of us.
Father Christmas actually visits us for real. None of this ‘He’ll turn up while you’re asleep’ nonsense: We wait on Christmas eve and there he is. Okay, sometimes he’s had too much glögg, sometimes he looks like your Uncle Björn. Sometimes both. But he’s there, at your house.
We have Christmas elves.
Actually, we have house elves all year round, but we believe in them mostly at Christmas time. Little mini elves with red Christmas hats – Lady elves, male elves… They live in our houses and barns and we put food out for them at Christmas time, because if we don’t, every idiot knows they’ll hide the remote control for the rest of the year.
We get to celebrate a day earlier than everybody else.
Our Christmas is 24th December in the evening. Some say this stems from Viking times when we believed a new day started as the sun went down – meaning at sun down on Christmas eve, we can celebrate. While everybody else has to wait until morning.
We have Julebryg.
Delicious, amazing Christmas beer from Denmark. The fourth best selling beer in Denmark – despite only being on the market 10 weeks of the year. We have that, it’s a thing. Try it.
We have Glögg
Red noses, red cheeks, sneaky kisses under the mistletoe.
It’s also our thing. No, not mulled wine. We don’t add drabs of left over stuff to our glögg, nor do we add half a litre of orange juice. No. We carefully blend spices, sugar and red wine… heat it up and add secret yuletide cheer to every pot. Why is Glögg so much better than mulled wine? Cardamom, pomerans, cinnamon cloves, ginger are the scents of a truly Scandinavian Christmas.
Lucky us, we escape the turkey. Instead we have succulent roast pork… Or delicious sweet ham with mustard. Or dried lamb sticks. Or fish preserved in lye. Eh, yeah, lye. But it’s delicious.
Pigs: Little pigs made of marzipan. Without these, nobody can win the prize in the almond game.
We hide an almond in the Christmas dessert. Find it and get the pig and status of Marzipan Pig Winner. It’s prestigious.
A real tree
Real, like, from the real forest. We don’t do plastic.
We do clean lines, silver, gold and red. We don’t do flimsy tinsel.
90th Birthday party
Okay, this is New Year, but it’s as important as everything else. It’s a 10 minute sketch from yonks ago. We like to watch it every year. The same sketch, the same exact one. We always laugh. Its shown the same time every year. Okay, it’s a bit odd…
We like to watch the same old seventies Donald Duck show, every year. At 4 pm on Christmas Eve. Everybody, the same time, every household (at least in Sweden). Also agree this may be a bit odd. In Norway, they watch ‘3 nuts for Cinderella’ instead which is a really old 1980’s Czech Tv movie about Cinderella and her, eh, three nuts.
We hold hands and dance around the real Christmas tree. Together. The tree has real candles on it and someone usually singes their hair a bit. It all adds to the smell of Christmas.
13th December each year, we have the day of St Lucia, the festival of light. Boys and girls dress in white long robes and form processions in every town, bearing candles. This is the darkest night – and the darkest morning, broken by the bearing of light to fend off the darkness and dark spirits. We drink glögg, a girl is the town’s Lucia Bride and everybody knows it’s Christmas again.
We own those. They are ours. We rule at ginger thins.
Swedes go nuts for anything with saffron, especially saffron buns. But other products containing saffron sell out too. Chocolate with saffron, other pastries with saffron. You can probably get saffron shampoo, too. Maybe. And saffron meatballs. Actually, that sounds gross.
Little apple pancakes with no apples in them. So, like, doughballs. Dipped in sugar and jam. Danes go nuts for these. A great way to ensure you can have another Christmas beer.
The Swedish Christmas coke. Outsells coke in Sweden every year. Coca Cola hates that. Swedes loves that. And nobody outside Sweden understands the obsession with Julmust.
See above but replace Sweden with Norway. Norway’s Christmas soda. It’s a Norwegian thing.
Iceland has 13 different Santas.
Not content with just one, Iceland has 13 Santas, each one a Santa for a different reason and cause. Skyr Santa, Sausage Santa, Door slamming Santa and many more.
Christmas lasts a long time after Christmas.
We don’t put up our decorations until December. We don’t overdo it in the shops. We don’t put up the tree until we need it. And we don’t take it down on the 26th, either. We keep the tree until well into January sometime.
Fra alle os til alle jer:
October 16, 2014 |
So, if you happen to work next to one of us and we have irritated you by borrowing your stapler one too many times, here are little ways you can get back at us.
1. Claim that Sweden, Norway and Denmark is all the same
Scandinavia is Denmark, Sweden and Norway. That’s it. Different countries, different languages, different cultures with some similarities. Finland is sometimes included, but officially, it’s not really Scandinavia.
And no, it’s not because we are small countries, either – you can fit the UK into Scandinavia about five times. So why do you still insist on telling us we’re all the same?
2. When you don’t remove your shoes before entering our house
Because we don’t like dirt being dragged all over the house. Except when there’s a party (although, please ask first and never wear heels on our nice wooden floors).
When you go to a Scandinavian house, expect to remove your shoes in the hallway. It will happen, unless we’re feeling too polite to mention it (unlikely: we’re quite direct, if you hadn’t noticed).
3. What? You don’t like COFFEE?
We drink more coffee than anyone else in the whole world. More than the Italians, more than the French… More than anyone. By quite a massive stretch, too.
We drink tons of it. Strong, delicious filter coffee. And we don’t understand why you can only have one cup a day when our veins are constantly pumping like a bad Basshunter tune. In short, we’re wired from morning to night.
4. Insist Danes are Dutch
Far, far away. Not even neighbours.
5. …and Swedes are Swiss
(wait, Switzerland is next to Norway, right?)
Switzerland is Central Europe. They speak 5 languages, none of which are even close to Swedish. Nothing to do with ABBA or Volvo or blondes.
6. Enter into a discussion with us about mixer taps versus single taps.
We will win that discussion. Even if you fight it, we will win it – passionately. There is no way you can win an argument with about the benefit of single taps. We invented Ikea, we are the kings of common sense design.
And don’t start on the carpet in the bathroom…
7. Tell a Norwegian that KitKats are better than KvikkLunsj
This is such an important point, even though it only really affects Norway. KitKats are so not even close to Kvikklunsj. Don’t compare them, don’t tell us KitKats are superior. Don’t go there.
8. Insist that Eurovision is crap, when we know that it clearly is one of the highlights of the year – alongside Christmas and Midsummer.
Without Eurovision, you’d have no songs to dance to at the office party. No Dancing Queen, no Mamma Mia, no Money Money Money. Don’t knock it: We gave cheese to you guys. Be grateful.
9. Do you have polar bears in Oslo?
Yes, of course we do. And also roaming the streets of Copenhagen. Some of us keep them as pets, next to our penguins.
10. When you sing the Swedish Chef song from Muppets.
Say ‘bork, bork, bork’ and we die a little bit inside.
11. Well, you don’t LOOK Swedish/Norwegian/Danish…
I don’t? And you don’t look Welsh, either.
12. “You’re Swedish? I used to have a Danish girlfriend once…”
Wonderful. Read point one.
13. Schedule conference calls at 11 a.m. (our lunchtime)
We have lunch between 11 am and midday, if you let us. We just do.
Try not to interfere with our weirdness about breaks. This also includes trying to interfere with our need for coffee breaks (fika breaks) at least twice a day: One must make time for cake & coffee breaks.
14. Ask us ‘How are you’ and don’t wait for our answer.
Because, trust us, we WILL answer. In great detail and we don’t understand how to read your polite British nods of evil as we explain about our dodgy knee.
You don’t want to know about out knee? Don’t ask us, we won’t mind. It will remove a lot of social awkwardness for us if we just skip the ‘how are you’ bit.
15. Be late. We hate lateness. Be on time, every time.
16. You’re cold? But you’re Scandinavian!
Yes, and we feel cold. Just like you. Our veins are not made of ice, they are filled with hot Basshunter coffee, remember?
17. Scandinavian? Do you eat herring, like, all the time?
Every day, all the time, breakfast, lunch and dinner.
(Just kidding: we only eat herring for lunch).
October 2, 2014 |
The infamous warning for what happens if you take your bin
the wrong way into the lift. The end.
This sign says: Laziness is not a disability.
(From the town of Marknaryd)
A sign in the Swedish Coop saying: “We’ve stopped selling battery hen farm eggs… have a seat in your trolley and you’ll see why”.
This is how we confuse each other. No, not everything in Sweden is logic.
We are really not sure why this one was necessary,
but then again: Just don’t do it.
Homemade sign in the country saying
“Chickens don’t have great traffic knowledge”
Obvious warning at a bus stop in Sweden about the dangers
of what happens if you stand on the bench.
It just means speed humps. Go on, snigger again…
20% of all road accidents in Sweden involve an Elk. Fact.
Quite a useful sign.
The people of Malmö do not like balloons.
Oh no, no balloons on central station, please.
Do not crawl into the big mincer machine. Just don’t.